I Broke Up With My Burger Joint

…potatoes healed me

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Like most of us, I love burgers, but I find the modern topography of the burger-map to be a bit… hilly. Lately, I broke up with my local burger joint (I mean the indignant, marching out, declaring out loud that I deserve better, never-looking-back kind of breaking up) for chiefly four reasons, which reflect my rather defined opinions about hamburgers.